


Is There Somewhere

by rainydayes



Category: One Direction (Band), Room 93 - Halsey (Album)
Genre: Forbidden Love, I like sad shit what can I say, Language of Flowers, Love Affair, M/M, Songfic, room 93 plot, seriously I don't know why I went so hard with the symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:40:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22107229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainydayes/pseuds/rainydayes
Summary: Louis has a history with hotels. They've been a haven of escape from his usual self inflicted despair. The arrival of a new visitor threatens to challenge that. It doesn't help that the new hotel guest may be the most beautiful man Louis has ever laid his eyes on.~Inspired by Halsey's Room 93 EP~
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This a refurbished version of an older fic that I think deserved fresh eyes. I hope you like it :)

I've always admired the state of fire. It’s flickers in the dark fragile to destruction and yet everyone cowers in its presence.

I've always been that flickering flame. I'm expected to do too much and be too much. I could feel myself burning now with each step I took down the broken sidewalks of Brooklyn, fire manifesting on my tongue. I loved the city, a diamond forever in the rough full of everything and nothing at all. A figure grew in front of me as we moved towards each other. I watched as the figure gained more structure, whips of hair and lips coming into view.

He was a god or maybe something similar as he walked with certain demand, face hard with focus. His curls framed his face nicely and I could tell he was older. I kept my pace, destination coming closer, and his kaleidoscopic eyes seemed to swirl brighter the closer I got. His eyes focused on mine, an idea popping into his head. His pace quickened, starting to walk to me as I fought the urge to run.

"Hey, you happen to know where the Pink motel is?" he shouted, teeth gleaming with each word. I stammered. He seemed a bit too fictional for me.

"Well, it's right next to you sir." He turned, looking up at the faded pink building. I bit back a grin, a flood of memories shaking up my bones. Today may just be another one to add to the list.

The man laughed at his foolishness, eyes crinkling with his smile. I started to count each dimple on his face before he turned back to me.

"Don't call me sir, I'm not that old. I'm Harry,” he said lowly, throwing up a hand to shake, I took it, quickly matching his strong jolt.

"Louis.” He nodded, walking inside. I followed suit, wanting to stay in his presence a bit longer. He looked me over thoughtfully, a smile creeping back on his face.

“Louis, huh? Suits you doesn't it?" he hummed, faking contemplation. I grinned, my eyes never wavering from his face for a second. For only five minutes of meeting, he made me feel nervous. He had an energy to him, something I hadn't felt in a while, and the thought of anything sucking it away hurt me.

The door opened, cool air finding its way in and I already knew who it was. Her steps were as familiar to me as my own. I was fire but she was electric, alive with an energy I couldn't find. I turned towards her, pretty light eyes shimmering. "Hey, El.”

She bit her lip, playing with strands of hair on her head, giving a small wave. Harry came through, sticking out a hand.

”Hi, I'm Harry," he said kindly. Fear struck her eyes as she slowly shook back, chewing her lip. I watched, nodding for her to speak.

"Eleanor. N-nice to meet you," she said, voice rough. I smiled warmly at her efforts. She didn’t speak much when we first met, and I'm not entirely sure she grew out of it.

"Ready?" I asked softly and she nodded, walking up to the lobby desk to check out a room. Harry stayed standing, completely unfazed.

"So, are you from around here, man? You seem to know your way around." I tensed slightly at the small talk, trying not to panic.

"Bed Stuy, uh, that's where I'm from," I rushed, words running over themselves. He giggled, and I tried to hold back surprise at the boyish bouts of him. Eleanor turned back towards us, holding up keys and a hopeful expression. I nodded, watching as her frame relaxed with the approval.

"See you around man? Nice to meet you Eleanor." I nodded politely, socializing always having been a crippling act. 

From then on we were stuck together for awhile, hiding from other Pink motel stays in room 93.

She had brought our duffel bag packed with our usual essentials. Our stays here had become a habit. We always said one day we’d just make a run for it, but I've never been one to finish anything.

She walked with dancers grace, finally relaxing into the air of mini-vacation. I sat on the rickety old bed watching as she seemed to dance across the room before picking up the old dial up phone.

"What're you calling for?" I asked, pulling incessantly at her arms. She rolled her eyes at my antics, tickling my sides as revenge.

"I need water to take my—" A water bottle was in her hands in seconds, and she thanked me. I knew how choked up she got over phone. I watched her walk, spinning around while taking pills before flopping onto the bed with a giant breath. We sat in complete silence for a while, thoughts slumping around our brains. We were quiet people. People liked to joke how we were perfect for each other, except I'd never laugh and neither would she.

"I wish I wasn't so unhappy," she muttered, but I already knew. "I wish I had better control over what hurts me."

"Not your fault," I said simply, but I knew what she meant. She nodded, cuddling up into my arms. We sat a while longer before she spoke up again.

"I'm glad we're so close. None of my other friends get it, you know." I nodded , holding her in a little tighter because her voice cracked with each small phrase and it reminded me of how much I didn't see.

"I want," she whispered, voice barely there, "to feel alive here. You think I'll be reborn?" I shook my head in amusement, nuzzling my face into her shoulder. She was warm with buried energy.

"It's a motel. You can make with it what you will."  
And that's exactly what I planned to do.  
♪


	2. Chapter 2

The motel floors were always dusty. That was the illusion I liked to have walking around in nothing but socks, boxers, and an oversized t-shirt. I liked the idea of constant rhythm. I wanted life to be a musical, and it was easy to allude to that when I could slide against the hardwood floor.

Eleanor hated it. She hated a lot of things, but she was also a Pisces, another thing on the list of things she hated. It seemed she wanted to add more things to her passive list of hate when she asked me the next morning to call her Nora.

"I want to feel different," she said simply, not letting me put in a single word of input. I let her be, already knowing that as soon as we went back, so would she.

Eleanor intrigued me. Not the way Harry did, but in a more knowing sense; a curiosity with the familiar. She had a strength to her and you could feel it. A certain bite derived from the past, and I could only wonder what killed that in her.

I left Nora alone for her early morning meditation towards self discovery, to see him. It was the perfect set up and I let images dance through my head of all the possibilities between us.  
My feet finally met his door steps as I raised a hand to knock. I waited a minute until the door opened with its aged squeal. Puppy brown met my blues and the eyes revealed a face that finally revealed a name.

"Hey, I’m Brianna. Did you need anything?" a feminine voice asked. She was fair, talking with her hands gracefully, and her voice was velvety. I choked, scratching the back of my head with apprehension. She was too pretty to be a friend.

"I wanted to see Harry if he wasn't too busy," I mumbled, the words squishy against my tongue. She nodded, disappearing into the room once again. I leaned against the door frame, taking in the darkness of the hotel's vacancy. It was easily interrupted when he stepped out.

"Hey Lou."

"Lou?" He nodded, giggles filling the hallway like bubbles. His energy seemed sudden and intense and I was still busy deciding if I liked it.

"I wanted to see you," I said slowly, receiving a smirk. "My roommate is meditating and I wanted a friend to come exploring with me."

He nodded along placidly, giving a ghost of a smile. You could tell he wasn't completely there, nor was he making the effort to try to be. Still I didn't blame him—I wasn't fond of being stuck on this realm either.

"Sure, I'd like that. It'd be good to have a local show me around. You don't mind if Bri comes too, do you?" I caught my tongue in my teeth, resisting the urge to whine. I shook my head and he disappeared back into his room.

He came back out soon fully dressed to go with no girlfriend on his tail. I smiled, trying to evade the thought that I had won in some sense.

But, dare I say, he was wrapped around my goddamn finger.  
♪


	3. Chapter 3

Cool New England air kissed my nose as Harry and I walked. Silence held our tongues until he said thickly, "The sunrise has never seemed more beautiful."

I laughed lightly, "Because I'm here?" He giggled, wrapping his arm around my waist. My skin felt tingly and I fought off the urge to dance in victory.

"Yes," he said slowly, pausing to think. "It's also the first one I've seen in awhile." His smile dimmed with each word and his mind wandered back to a time that I didn't know. We walked enjoying the city of crumbled and fine streets, passing a McDonald's on some corners.

The city wasn't vacant—it was a miniature New York and similar to Manhattan if you strip the excessive glam. It was home to me, even with its ugly scars from the past.  
"You know," I said after awhile, "there's a story about the city beyond the horizon." He raised a curious eyebrow. "They call it the Badlands. You're not supposed to go there."  
He nodded slowly, staring down the scene ahead. 

"And what if you find yourself in any trouble?" He asked jokingly. A smirk rose until I was grinning.

"Keep running." I bolted, destination not yet in mind, but leaving him in the dust. Our feet created a small dust bowl until a swing set came to view. Time slowed as we eased into a walk, the entire playground revealing itself piece by piece. The place was old, paint chipping off a rickety seesaw with each nudge of wind.

I sat on a swing, legs weak from running so far. The contraption groaned underneath my weight and Harry followed suit. We sat in the silence only being outside could bring, swaying as the swings grunted along.

I turned to look at him, resisting the urge to scream in agony because no person could continuously look that beautiful. His lips were sealed and his eyes narrowed in thought as he swung aimlessly.

"Where are we Lu?" he asked lowly. I let out a long easy sigh, eyes never leaving his figure. He was slumped now, looking more comfortable than in his jovial state and I knew then what he was really.

"A small park. Can't remember which one." Harry smiled ruefully as I let my feet continue to tread against the weathered sand.

"Haven't been to a park in a long time." We stopped there, swinging once again but my curiosity stayed stagnant. I looked him, really seeing him this time with each passing tug of the swings. His eyes were sunken, everything about him screaming insomnia and I could only wonder what plagued his mind at night.

We didn't leave the swings, not until the sun called us back to room 93.  
♪


	4. Chapter 4

I grew up with sisters. I remember how they used to have their fun bringing boys around to the house, coming home from a night of ravishing, staying up late to cry over their flimsy hearts. I remember what the eldest one, Lottie told me one night when I decided to visit them in the dark.

The sentiment echoed in my chest now as Nora and I sat in the motel's continental breakfast room, Nora watching her rubbery eggs bounce against the pressure of her fork, and I watching him laughing without me. 

Attachment did not suit me. Attachment was weakness. It was how the weak came to manipulate opponents clearly stronger than them. Therefore the only thing stronger is control. How to control what was not mine I did not know. What I knew for sure was that I had no choice but to become his everything and more.

When my legs decided to snap upwards, I knew it was more than war; this would be a matter of survival of the fittest. Nora paid me no mind as I'd taught her, leaving me to my own business of seduction and attention.

His hair was pulled up and out of his face in a makeshift bun, his skin covered by sweats. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to touch him, feel the smoothness of skin hidden beneath the cotton. His jade eyes intoxicated me, my hands frantically searching for support. Then he gave me a smile, the kind that felt like punishment for everything in me was set on fire.

"Morning Lou! How are you?” His accent was thick and I was suffocating.

"Good as I'll ever be. Morning Brianna." My words became short as I fought to breathe again. 

"I wanted to ask you if two wanted to go out again. Nora wants to go down to the shops."

"Nora?" It was Brianna, her voice like honeyed milk. I hated it. 

"My roommate staring at her eggs in the corner." Harry snickered, vessels bulging slightly as his teeth and eyes shone. It was boyish and charming, an unexpected result with such a combination. I could feel my soul fighting to escape the bars of my bones.

"We'd love to, right Bri?" Brianna nodded mindlessly, attention already back on her phone. I couldn't understand how anyone could focus on anything but Harry in his grey sweats and unruly bedhead.  
♪


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Babes I'm so sorry!! There's literally no reason for me to have abandoned this for 3 months when it's already written. Blame it on the 'rona? Anyway...

I grew up with sisters. I remember how they used to have their fun bringing boys around to the house, coming home from a night of ravishing, staying up late to cry over their flimsy hearts. I remember what the eldest one, Lottie told me one night when I decided to visit them in the dark.

The sentiment echoed in my chest now as Nora and I sat in the motel's continental breakfast room, Nora watching her rubbery eggs bounce against the pressure of her fork, and I watching him laughing without me. 

Attachment did not suit me. Attachment was weakness. It was how the weak came to manipulate opponents clearly stronger than them. Therefore the only thing stronger is control. How to control what was not mine I did not know. What I knew for sure was that I had no choice but to become his everything and more.

When my legs decided to snap upwards, I knew it was more than war; this would be a matter of survival of the fittest. Nora paid me no mind as I'd taught her, leaving me to my own business of seduction and attention.

His hair was pulled up and out of his face in a makeshift bun, his skin covered by sweats. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to touch him, feel the smoothness of skin hidden beneath the cotton. His jade eyes intoxicated me, my hands frantically searching for a support. Then he gave me a smile, the kind that felt like punishment for everything in me was set on fire.

"Morning Lou! How are you?” His accent was thick and I was suffocating.

"Good as I'll ever be. Morning Brianna." My words became short as I fought to breath again. 

"I wanted to ask you if two wanted to go out again. Nora wants to go down to the shops."

"Nora?" It was Brianna, her voice like honeyed milk. I hated it. 

"My roommate staring at her eggs in the corner." Harry snickered, vessels bulging slightly as his teeth and eyes shone. It was boyish and charming, an unexpected result with such a combination. I could feel my soul fighting to escape the bars of my bones.

"We'd love to, right Bri?" Brianna nodded mindlessly, attention already back on her phone. I couldn't understand how anyone could focus on anything but Harry in his grey sweats and unruly bedhead.  
♪


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extra as a treat for my bullshit

The shops in Brooklyn always felt too nice for me. They were always clad in nice wood, windows decorated in simple art and flowers, light elevator music playing after the entrance bell. Today was different as my hand had found its way into Harry’s. We walked into the best floral shop on the east side of Brooklyn.

As we walked in, our lungs were instantly filled with pollen. I started hacking into the dandelions while Harry's light giggles filled the space in my head.

"I love it in here. Are those carnations?" I was tugged in an unknown direction, but I didn't mind in exchange for seeing him at peace. 

His jades were fixated like a camera lens on rows and rows of carnations. I never enjoyed floral anything really but today the shop called my attention.  
My hand found a flower and glided a single digit up the stem.

"You want the purple one?" Harry smirked.

"Mauve."

"Of course."

"It symbolizes fantasies." My eyes stayed fixated on his, flickering down to his lips only for a second. He returned the stare, his eyes wide with wonder beyond anything else. After a minute he reached down taking an ivory one with red bleeding on the edges. He turned in his hands carefully, his hands barely avoiding crushing the petals. He looked up, his eyes foggy with thought.

"Shall we buy them?" he asked gently. I wanted to ask what was the matter, but decided that now wasn't the best time by the looks of him. So we bought them, each of us taking three. As we left I let a lighter question leave my lips.

"What do your carnations mean?" His eyes moved to the dingy sidewalk and his face fell.

"Do you not know the general meaning of carnations?" His tone was flat.

"Love generally. But yellow carnation are outright rejection of love, so that doesn't tell me much about yours. What kind is that anyhow?"

"Striped."

"Cool." I slipped out my phone, the percent lower than I'd like but search striped carnations anyhow, letting a slow sigh leave my lips. "Fine then, let's exchange."

"Exchange?" Emotion came through his voice this time—surprise. I handed my flowers, my other hand accepting the bleeding carnations. I looked down at my phone screen again. The four of us had split half an hour ago promising to meet in another thirty minutes.

"I like ice cream." The statement made me jump in surprise as I glanced at him. A flower was now tucked behind his ear as he wrung his fingers with his hand. I nodded, a grin creeping slowly onto my face. I took his hand, trying to find our next destination as soon as possible.

The place was perfect and quiet, as local spaces tend to be. Harry looked around in awe as the welcome bell rang, a friendly face greeting us. 

"Welcome to Scoops! What would you like today gentlemen?" We spent the next few minutes sampling every flavor, the worker catching onto our scheme quickly. We found ourselves in chairs, eating our six flavors from a large cup together. Our phones rested on each side of the sugary mountain, leaving us to relax in each other's company. Harry's eyes stayed on the ice cream and mine on him. 

Our phones lit up with the girls requesting half an hour more with no explanation, not that I cared for it. Harry's eyes flitted up to mine, his hidden smirk making me wish our brains were connected somehow. As I continued to fantasize about becoming one entity he stood.

"I need to use the bathroom." His eyes were trained on me, dancing across my face. I found myself lost in him once again. My legs stood on their own, my eyes leaving him for a painful second to find the bathroom. 

"It's over there. I'll throw everything away." There was nothing left for me to say as my body moved on its own accord picking up the empty cup and used tissues to throw away. I quickly walked towards the bathroom.

It was one of those family ones that you lock from the inside. I smirked, turning the knob and pushing it open slowly. A hand reached for my arm, pulling me in forcefully. I saw his eyes first, pupils wide and burning. He chuckled, leaving me a husk of myself as I quickly locked the door.

My back ached as I was pressed against the wall, staring him in the eyes. Harry bit his lip, his eyes fiery and calculated while he pinned me down. I tried to catch my breath but it was impossible with him digging into my chest.

"It's your choice," I whispered. His hold faltered slightly as his eyes clouded again before the smoke cleared. He moved closer, his breath uneven but warm. "Fucking kiss me already will you?”

And he did.  
♪


	7. Chapter 7

Undercovers time passes quickly. I went a week watching the sunrise, set, and rise again before I finally came to.

"Someone left flowers," Nora said suggestively, placing the bright bouquet on the side table. Her hair had been cut short since the last time I'd been awake. I paid her no attention as I let my eyes shut once more. Nora sighed, shuffling things around for a period of time.

"I'm going for a hike."

"We live on the east coast."

"That's why Uber exists," she sighed exasperatedly. "I don't know what happened, but please address it. I'll be back in the morning to give you time." She came over to me and I felt her hover for a minute before pecking my cheek. "Make peace, love. At least drink something. There's bourbon in the fridge." My eyes shot open but she was gone.

Each movement is excruciating after not moving for a week, but I managed to get the flowers into my lap all the same. They were vibrant and yellow and not carnations so I had no clue who they could be from. My eyes flitted up, catching the striped carnations in my view, letting my chest catch fire. All of a sudden my mind was muddled again, and I sank back under the sheets. My sulking was interrupted by a knock.

I considered for a moment pretending not to be there, but I hadn't left the room in a week, so that was unlikely to work. "Doors open!" The wood moved slowly but I knew he was behind it by the first step.

"Hey, Lou." His voice was strange today, but so was he. His hair was greasy and disheveled, his skin blotchy and pale, and his eyes were shot red and his irises shone green. But he did not deserve my voice, not that there was much to give anyhow.

"Cut to the chase." Harry froze at my frigidness but said nothing. My eyes narrowed, which was more of a droop, but intimidating all the same. "Fine, I'll talk. Why the hell did you lie to me?" He grimaced, his hand starting to wring out the other.

"I didn't lie about anything—" He stumbled on impact at the pillow hitting him in the chest.

"Stop that. I just want answers. What are you two?" Anger had reached the tips of my fingers for I was standing tall as he continued to shrink into himself.

"If you calm down, I'll explain everything." He said this shakily, and my heart wrenched itself in agony. I sat, the rush of anger cooling in my veins, waiting for him to speak. He pulled out a chair and sat across from me, our knees knocking against each other nervously.

"I had a girlfriend when I was a teenager. She was the most beautiful person I knew and we were smitten. But as time passed we grew apart until one day she wasn’t around anymore. So I moved out to California, finished high school. I met Brianna during the summer and we'd been a thing since." He crossed his arms protectively, giving me a hesitant look.

"You kissed me." His eyes glinted defensively as he shrunk away from me.

"I know." My arms shot out in front of me as my hands instinctively found his shirt, pulling him in. He stared at me wide-eyed, his knees dragging slightly behind him before he tried fighting back. I flipped him over instantaneously, pinning him to the bed.

"You lead me on."

"I know."

"Then rejected me."

"Wasn't like that." My hands came to his neck in fury and I tried not to scream at his cool disposition.

"Then you fucking kissed me."

"Mhm." He was blank, I could tell. Not entirely there, not entirely gone.

"You sick bastard."

"You still fell for me." The statement was not sinister, but factual. My hands came away from his neck. I rose, still straddling him, observing him from afar. He was dying, though what was killing him I did not know.

"So what's it gonna be?" It was a light question, but his wary gaze knew better than to treat it as one.

"She doesn't have to know." I was off him now, pushing myself away from him as much as I could. I'm not bright when I feel hazy so he cornered me quickly against the door, close enough to touch me and far enough to not. "That's not what I meant. Listen will you. We're leaving tomorrow morning. None of this matters. None of it will last.” His finger found my jaw, tracing the edge slowly. His eyes followed the trail, stopping at my chin to tap my lip gently. His eyes now found mine again and he dropped his hand.

"Is there somewhere?" I asked, but my voice shook as it betrayed me. He grinned ruefully.

"Maybe."  
♪


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. I hope you enjoyed the ride

I remember how strange deep nights once were for me. There was always secrecy in them, a certain shame no other time could provide. I could feel the weight of the night on my shoulders from where I stood outside, my back against the cold stone as the wind slammed against my ears and nose.

I was lucky for while I had been standing for three hours, no one had bothered me. Just as the cold had made home in my bones I see him—his strides long and the stature hunched over, protective against something I couldn't see. He nearly walked past until my arm shot out from shadows, my fingers wrapping around his bicep. He jumped but smiled shyly when our eyes met.

"Hey, stranger," he said softly. His cheeks and nose were rosy with cold, my lips moving to warm them.

"Don't call me that. Come closer."

Shadows in the deep night were barely human at all. But when we kissed I could suddenly see him, my hands painting sensory pictures as my nose struggled for breath. Memory after memory of him flew through my mind as I became desperate, wanting him, needing him. Loving him had been messy and I knew that I would be stained forever by it.

"Please don't...go," I exhale forcefully, the words hitting me repeatedly in the chest until I could barely breathe anymore. I knew I was crying on the ground; when that happened I didn't know. I could feel his arms around me, and I could feel him pull me closer, and I could feel his fingers run slowly through my hair.

"Lou?" It was a soft whisper. I hummed.

"Do you love me?" And I let out a horrible cry because of course, of course I did. He had invaded the very aspect of my being and I needed him to be mine. His body tensed as I cried harder before softening again to hug me tighter. I began to calm a bit, an inch at a time before speaking.

"I want to be in your lungs." He laughed softly and I reveled in the steady rise and fall of it.

"Why is that?"

"I want to be as important to you as the air you breath." Silence. I could feel the weight of my words slowly collapsing my ribcage.

"Who said you weren't." I sigh. He was being unfair now and I couldn't decide if I wanted to kick him or kiss him again.

"Then stay. Stay and let me enjoy your lungs." He chuckled humorlessly, leaning into me. We stay like that until the stars started to shine through the clouds, the shadow no longer swallowing us completely whole.

"Is there somewhere?" Because there had to be. Every part of my being screamed yes a thousand times over.

"I want there to be." And I ran with that, talking the words into my hand and dumping them on the striped carnations. I found his lips frantically, turning around to pull him even closer. It wasn't the same however, for it was painful as if the melancholy in my heart had burst and began to pump through my veins. A scream climbed up and out my throat as my head began to throb. I could feel it burst, my body going limp on him. Harry was already gone.

He was already gone.

Was already gone

Already gone

ready go

ady g

dy

y

—

And a new timeline began.


End file.
